Kuala Krai Joke - Laughter is the best medicine
Joke - Laughter is the best medicine
some jokes to share to keep you all smiling. If any bro have some to share, please do so.A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
House for instance, is feminine: la casa.
Pencil, however, is masculine: el lapiz.
A student asked, What gender is computer?
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The mens group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computadora), because:
1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The womens group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el computador), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still cant think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model...
The women won.
==comments==
After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.
His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Ediths multi-million dollar home and since the mans lawyers were a little better he prevailed.
He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.
On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.
On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house.
The Maid quit.
Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local Realtor refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.
INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.
>A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong?” asks the mother.
“I was taking pee and this bullet came out.” replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out.”
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.”
“No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
>A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while hes drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesnt surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. Ill pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later hes in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesnt surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
>There was this naughty boy that never listen to any1.
until 1 day the boys mother buay tahan already and decided to bring his son to knee infront of Kwan Yin Ma
upon getting his boy to knee in front of Kwan Yin Ma statue,
The mother said this," ah boy, You are to stay knee until Kwan Yin Ma forgive you or give a sign."
But as soon as the mother finished saying and starts to turn and walk away, the naughty boy stood on his feet and follow her mother.
Her mother got angry and said, " ah boy, you dont understand me is it?"
The boy replied," Kuan Yin Ma said I can go."
Her mother said,"Kuan Yin Ma said you can go?"
The boy then said, " I pray for Kuan Yin Ma forgiveness and ask can I go? Kuan Yin Ma said OK."
>Excuse to those who name Ah Beng
I keep this with me for years, as the laughter for life. Hope to share with all and bring more laughter to the world. .
.
.
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
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Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : Do you have color TV ?
Salesgirl : Yes !
Ah Beng : Give me a green one, please
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Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on Salary Expected, but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes Yes
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Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : What is that shiny object ?
Salesgirl : That is a thermos flask.
Ah Beng : What does it do ?
Salesgirl : It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold
Ah Beng : Ill buy it
.
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : What is that shiny object ?
Ah Beng : Its a thermos flask.
Boss : What does it do ?
Ah Beng : It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold
Boss : What do you have in it !?
Ah Beng : Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream
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After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
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Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
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Why cant Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he cant find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
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Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the Help command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : I press the F1 key for help lah, but its been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!
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Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah Oh dear ! the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. But what happened to the other ear?
Ah Beng answered : That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!
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Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND LAS VEGAS ?
Operator: JUST A MINUTE...
Ah Beng : THANK YOU lah AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
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After completing a jigsaw puzzle hed been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT, Ah Beng brags.
FIVE MONTHS ? THATS TOO LONG, the friend exclaims.
YOU ARE A FOOL. Ah Beng replies, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS.
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At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Bengs left tells the bartender, JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE and his companion says, JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, AND YOU, SIR ?
Ah Beng replies : Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah
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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book said,
"My Mobile Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
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Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! Ill stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, Ill also stay with your sister.
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Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
AhBeng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
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Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
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Ah Beng comes back 2 his car find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."
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How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
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Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "Its already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
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A man asked Ah Beng why Mr Lee goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Mr Lee is PM not AM
>A guy named David received a talking parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word out of its beak was an expletive. Those that werent expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the birds attitude, constantly saying polite words and playing soft music - anything he could think of to try to set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird, and the bird just got angrier and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David threw the parrot into the freezer.
For a few moments, he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then, suddenly, there was silence. Not a sound for half a minute.
David became frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Davids extended arm and said,
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the birds change in attitude and was about to ask what had brought about such a dramatic change when the parrot continued,
"May I ask what the chicken did?" Alor Gajah Aquarium
